Struggle, TMI

I’m back, I’m sorry I have been away for so long, but unfortunately life has gotten the best of me, and my body is rebelling again.

I am sick.  Very sick.

March 1st 2008 I started having my stomach issues again.  Nothing horrible, just loose stools.  It lasted for 15 days.  I searched and searched my diet, for gluten and any possible gluten contamination, and yet there was none to be found.  On a whim, I removed Folger’s Flavored Coffee from my diet, even though it had become my sanity and was supposed to be Gluten Free.  I thought I had figured it out, I got better for 5 days, then it hit me again.  My husband and I have spent many hours trying to figure out what gluten had snuck into my food, to no avail.  Then we started on Allergies.  I have no idea how to even go about that one.  It is now April 13th and I am afraid.

I don’t so much have diarrhea constantly, all though it has happened a few days, but  I can’t take the symptoms that have plagued me.  Something is killing me and I don’t know what it is.  I have severe stomach pain 24 hours a day which is worsened by anything I eat.  I eat mostly all natural, non-processed foods so I’m at a loss.  After I eat I cannot stand up straight because of said stomach pain, earlier today I had such a bad cramp after taking a sip of gluten free apple juice that it doubled me over and made me yell out.  ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I eat or drink makes me sicker.  I am now 126lbs at 5’6”.  That doesn’t seem abnormal to most people, but to me?  That’s insane, I’ve never dropped below 140.  In June of last year I weighed 160lbs, in December I weighed 140lbs.  Then I started maintaining my weight, still losing some, but not much.  March I weighed 135, and now 126.  I can now clearly see my ribs, hips, chest bone, arm bones and others.  I am scared.  I feel like I’m starving all the time, yet I can’t stomach more than half a plate of food with out going into severe pain.  Oh and I can’t forget the most recent symptoms.  My whole freaking body hurts, like I got run over by a semi truck (lol well, I did a few weeks ago, I got rear ended with my daughter in the car by one, but thankfully we were okay, but my car isn’t, but that’s a story for another day).  All of my muscles hurt like I pulled them.  My finger nails and toenails now have a purplish tint to them, and on two occasions for an hour or so a piece, blue tints.

I had to go see my colo-rectal surgeon (I had a fissure back last fall that required surgery, turns out I had an abscess that caused me to almost go septic…. which set off the Celiac Disease) I ripped open my incision and have developed another abscess.  I have to go back in a week to see if I require surgery again.  Unfortunately for me, not only does my husband have no time to take off, but these abscesses won’t go away unless I get better.  Great. Awesome. (sarcasm)

I do have an appointment with my gastro-doc in a week and four days.  She is a very popular doctor, and has a long wait.  In the mean time I have seen my general doctor who has no idea what is going on.  I’m losing blood somewhere (according to my blood tests, gee I wonder if it’s in my intestines) so I’m going anemic again.  I also have low protein… again, gee, maybe because I can’t eat.  I’m calling my gastro-doc tomorrow to see if they’ve had any cancellations.  I need a doctor now!  I have contemplated going to the ER, but my step mom, who is a doctor (who referred me to the wonderful doctors I have now) told me that they won’t know what to do and just send me home.  Which thinking about it, I’m sure she’s right.  Sometimes the pain gets so bad that I’m tempted.

The worst of all of this, is my constant pain is keeping me from taking care of my daughter correctly.  I can’t play with her.

Again, I’m scared.